Holding Only One Cymbal: The Most Embarrassing Thing That Ever Happened to Me in My Whole, Entire Life: A True Story Told Here for the First Time Ever Anywhere

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The most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me in my whole, entire life happened in my own living room. It happened around 3 am. And it happened when I was completely alone.

The early ’90s, of course, were the pre-cell-phone and pre-Internet era. And sometimes in that era, a TV network would broadcast a live show that viewers could call into and ask a question. On this night there was one such live, national show: Lt. Col. Oliver North was interviewing radio personality Rush Limbaugh.

At that time, you could hardly have named two people who were more widely known than Oliver North and Rush Limbaugh. It’s not worth belaboring why—the point is that both were tremendously famous.

Having come across the show, I thought, “What an opportunity!” I had often thought about calling in to Limbaugh’s daily AM radio program, but (1) I doubted I would actually get through and (2) talking to him live while 15 million people listened in was a pretty daunting idea.

But that night, I nervously decided to take the plunge. My likelihood of getting through was better than during the day. And I had a question ready—it was something I’d been curious about for a long time and wondered what Rush would say about it.

First, I put a blank tape in the VCR. Since Cindy was sound asleep, I wanted a recording as permanent proof of what was to be one of my most glorifullest moments.

Next, I got the cordless phone off the wall. I extended the metal antenna. And I punched in the phone number shown on the screen.

It rang. And rang ... Then—a voice! I had gotten through!

The voice told me in a perfunctory fashion to turn down my TV and stay on the line. It would probably be a while before I was put through to North and Limbaugh.

Oliver North, 1988 mugshot (public domain) 

I turned down the TV, shaking inside. I was going to get to talk to Rush Limbaugh and Oliver North—both of them—at the same time! This was the biggest thing that had ever happened to me since birth—but I couldn’t really count birth, since I had no memory of it.

I wrote my question down so I would be sure to phrase it correctly. Even though there was constant North/Limbaugh conversation going on in my ear, I read and repeated the question over and over and over in my mind. It had grown out of my political observations during the Reagan/Bush administrations:

“Why do Americans elect a conservative president but also elect a liberal Congress?”

“Why do Americans elect a conservative president but also elect a liberal Congress?”

“Why do Americans elect a conservative president but also elect a liberal Congress?”

Suddenly there was a click, and the timbre of the conversation changed. I could tell I was now “live in the studio.” I reached over to the VCR and pushed “record.” At any moment Oliver North would ask me what my question was, and I would reply, “Why do Americans elect a conservative president but also elect a liberal Congress?”

There was a pause in the men’s conversation. And then Oliver North looked directly into the camera and said, “So, Steve in South Carolina, what do you think about that?”

What do I think about what???

There is a Far Side cartoon that shows an orchestra playing. At the back of the orchestra stands the cymbal player. He is thinking, “This time I won’t screw up! I won’t, I won’t, I won’t, I won’t …”

But he is holding only one cymbal. And the caption reads, “Roger screws up.”

As the blood rushed to my face, I could completely empathize with Roger.

Lt. Col. Oliver North had just asked me what my opinion was on what he and Rush Limbaugh had been discussing. And I sat there at 3 am with the phone to my ear, holding only one cymbal.

“So, Steve in South Carolina, what do you think about that?” North’s question kept echoing in my empty brain. Time slowed way down.

I have no idea what they’ve been discussing! NO IDEA. What are my options?

1.       Hang up and have Oliver North say, “Oh, I guess we lost Steve in South Carolina!”

2.       Ask my question anyway, ignoring North’s request.

3.       Be honest and say, “I don’t know what you guys are talking about.”

4.       Drop dead.

In those nanoseconds that ticked, oh, so slowly by, an image of my dear mother rose up in my mind. “Always tell the truth!” she said, pointing a thick index finger at me. “Always tell the truth!”

Of course, Mom was right. I chose option 3.

“I—I—I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening, uh, to what you were saying.”

My mental image of Mom suddenly changed. She threw her head back in a loud laugh. “Ah-hahahahaaaa!” she roared. “Gotcha!”

Oliver North blinked in surprise. “Oh! OK.” Awkward pause.

“I was, uh, I was thinking about my question.”

“OK, go ahead. What’s your question?”

I looked down at my paper. “Why do Americans elect a conservative president but also elect a liberal Congress?”  Rush proceeded to answer my question, but my stunned brain couldn’t absorb anything he said.

Rush Limbaugh 2006 mugshot (public domain)

“All right! Good question. Thank you, Steve from South Carolina!” said North. “Let’s move on to another caller.”

Click.

It was over.

I fell to the floor and covered my flushed face with my shaking hands, my words repeating in my mind. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening to what you were saying… I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening to what you were saying… I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening to what you were saying…”

It was the worst thing I could have possibly said. I had been talking to Rush Limbaugh and Oliver North. And I had said, “Sorry, guys, I wasn’t listening! Derrrr!”

I had never, ever felt more humiliated and embarrassed and stupid. And I have never, ever done so since, either.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening to what you were saying.”

Idiot! Numbskull! Moron!

Then I lifted my head, knowing what I had to do next.

I got up and erased that stupid tape.

Copyright 2025, Steven Nyle Skaggs