Uncle Tony Thompson

Uncle Tony Thompson, Nov. 1987

Uncle Tony was a family legend.

Uncle Tony was my father-in-law’s brother. His name wasn’t actually Tony. It was Charles Thompson Jr., and, as it was explained to me, he was referred to when young as “Junior.” At that time, many sons in Italian families were called “Junior,” so since “Junior” sounded Italian, someone decided to call him “Tony,” a more official-sounding Italian name. And it stuck.

He was what we in our family call “a real character.” He exemplified the kind of person a true follower of Christ should be—but he was also one of the funniest people you could ever meet. And he wrote fascinating letters, many of which my mother-in-law has kept. Quotations below are all excerpts from letters Uncle Tony sent to his brother, Paul (my wife’s dad) and Paul’s wife, Kathy. The letters are generally typewritten and rife with creative spelling and punctuation choices (which I’ve reproduced when quoting him below).

SIBLINGS

Dad Thompson (Paul) and his brother, Uncle Tony, are both gone now. But he and Paul had a pretty typical brother-to-brother relationship, fraught with good-natured teasing and insults. Here are a few examples.

12 May 1989

Dear Paul, Kathy and Granma,

. . . I started to phone you last night but I couldn’t locate your phone number. Someone messed up my filing system. I looked under hefty relatives, pudgy brothers, humorous kin, questionable comedians, former athletes, Baptists Anonymous, but to no avail. . . .

Keep humble,

Tony

March 28, 1980

Dear Sir and Madame,

Be it advised that I have heretofore received your letter, unblemished with mistakes, finding it harrasive, insulting, insinuative, embarrassing, and non-condusive to good neighborliness. Thus it behooves me to undertake to create a masterpiece, typewriterwise, without nary an error or mistyke. Perhaps knocking your pride to it’s kneez, and, hopefully, embellishing the beginnings of true humility.

Pardon me but a stranger came to my door asking assistance last night and interrupted my train of thought. I had to take him 10 miles where his wife was having twins in someone’s home.*

It’s now time for work and I want to get this in the mail. . . .

must go now,

Charles

* This is undoubtedly a true event. More about Tony’s helping hand to strangers will follow.

January 1982

Dear Paul and Cathy, or whoever,

Do you realize the odds of receiving this treatise without an extreme emergency? Consider yourself very fortunate. I’m in the middle of an afternoon without anything to do but take a nap, so after deliberating and deciding that the nap would be far more profitable and enjoyable than writing—realizing also that my conscience would give me a fit, I resolved to write a short note to accommodate my conscience and then really sleep it up. . . .

I quit jogging after 10 years to enjoy the benefits of “WALKING.” After about 4 walks I found that I had quit both walking and jogging.

I’m still doing my Vic Tanni thing [Vic Tanny’s was a nationwide chain of health spas popular in the 1970s and 80s] so I think I shall survive, if my dear relatives quit sending me calories. . . .

All my love,

Mr. C. Thompson

Included in one of the envelopes was this curious postcard.

After examining the card carefully for clues, I’ve come to the following conclusions: Tony’s brother, Paul, was not-so-subtly urging Tony to write him, so he (Paul) sent Tony this postcard. On one side, in Paul’s handwriting, is Tony’s return address, Paul’s address, and postage for the card to be returned to Paul. On the other side, Paul thoughtfully wrote, “Dear Paul & Kathy,” to get Tony started. And he even signed it, “Love, Tony.”

In response, Tony scrawled, “I forgot what I was going to say,” crossed out the word “Love,” and returned the card to Paul at Paul’s expense!

Paul (Cindy’s dad, Tony’s only brother) passed away from cancer on July 4, 1993. Here is a letter from Tony to Mom Thompson after that event.

September 7, 1993

Dear Kathy,

Since it is Labor Day and it is against the rules to work today, I think I can get away with writing a letter, if I don’t have to think, which isn’t no trouble for me anyhow. . . .

I trust that this finds you well and adjusting OK. I miss Paul, we surely had a lot of laughs together. I’m so glad we had those few days together while he was feeling fairly well. Give everybody my love and respect, which I could use a little myself.

Respectfully,

Tony

REACHING OUT

Uncle Tony’s heart was always wide open to any soul in need. Divorced, he never remarried, but he had an ongoing ministry to many elderly ladies in his church and neighborhood. Events such as the one mentioned above, of a stranger stopping at his house one night in need of a ride so he could be with his wife as she gave birth to twins, were typical. Whereas you or I might not be willing to jump into a car with a stranger and go off in the dark, Uncle Tony wouldn’t have given it two thoughts.

Uncle Tony abstained from all alcoholic beverages. I remember him telling one time, though, of an elderly lady friend who was homebound and dying of cancer. Tony asked, “What can I get you? What do you want?”

The lady answered, “I sure would love to have a bottle of champagne.”

Tony gulped. When he was relating the story, he asked, “So what would you do?” Before we could come up with an answer, he said, “Well, I’ll tell you what I did. I went to the liquor store and bought her a bottle of champagne! I was afraid the pastor or someone else from church might see me, but nobody did. I had no idea what I was doing. I just asked the guy for the best bottle they had. It was pretty expensive!”

He went on to relate that when he took the champagne to his friend, she took a swig, spat it out, and said, “Augh! Tastes like medicine!”

And that was the end of that.

Here are a few more stories of Tony reaching out to people, told in his own inimitable style.

January 1982

I witnessed to a naked guy in the sauna at Vic Tanni’s, followed him in to the shower where we had a long talk. I asked him to put on his trunks and we retired to the whirlpool where we talked until closing time. First time I ever witnessed to a naked guy in a shower. How do I always get into these things? . . .

November 28, 1979

While out jogging a few weeks ago I led an 83-year-old lady to the Lord. She wasn’t jogging, just sitting in front of her trailer. She had been a catholic and had Jehova W. teaching. She thought when a person dies they just went into the ground. Now she knows she is going to heaven.

March 11, 1980

That 83-year-old lady is really growing in the Lord. She calls me and tells me some gem she has found in the Bible. I fixed up her radio to get the Christian radio station and quite a bit of literature. She is really happy. She is bent over, legs really bad but her mind is sharp. She spends 3 hours in the Bible each morning then she reads again in the evening. She is praying for her son now to get saved.

Feb. 10, 1987

Dear Paul and Kathy, and relations,

. . . I have many opportunities to witness. A . . . young girl called me at 3 AM. She said she was bored and lonely. I witnessed to her until 3:30. She didn’t accept the Lord and was to call me back the next day, but didn’t. She must have just dialed at random or picked a number out of the book. I led a 60-year-old guy to Christ recently on visitation. That is about 1 chance in 5000 at that age. Another 70-year-old lady next door accepted Christ when she asked me to do a job for her. I do believe that now is the best time of my entire life. . . .

much love,

Tony

HUMOR

Uncle Tony’s immediate family was an ongoing source of heartache to him. His kids weren’t interested in following his spiritual direction, and his wife, Yvonne, divorced him because he had become a born-again believer. Still, he could find humor even in those difficult circumstances.

March 11, 1980

Hi Y’all,

I’m so sorry to be so long in replying to all the cards and letters I have been receiving from you all. I have multitudes of excuses but most of them are lies.

Stan [Tony’s son; not his real name] is home with his mother now and she is quite pleased with him. He seems to have outgrown most of his problems although he doesn’t consider other peoples feelings too much, but what more could we hope for? Yvonne and her boyfreind flew to Florida for a weeks vacation, and Stan was to spend the week with me. After I rearranged everything and made a bedroom out of my library, he spent one night with me. The rest of the week he stayed at home. It seems that he did quite well on his own so I guess it turned out ok.

Yvonne is getting married again in April. She is a staunch catholic, this is the third protestant she is marrying. He is a real nice guy and we get along fine. I probably won’t get an invite to the funeral wedding. . . .

Now that you know Tony a little better, I think you’re ready to hear a secret of his that, up until now, only the family knew about.

Uncle Tony used to have barenaked dreams.

Yes, conservative, modest, self-effacing Uncle Tony would occasionally have dreams in which he was “barenaked” in public. And he would write them up and send them to Paul and Kathy, who read them aloud amidst howls of laughter. Sadly, only one of them still exists, as far as I know. So here you go.

March 6, 1979

I had another bare naked dream again the other night. want to hear it? Well, I was out riding my motorcycle in the country when I decided to take off my shirt and get some sun. Then to my astonishment I found myself jogging through the countryside in the altogether. It was great. I started out in Penna. and somehow got into Ohio.

I found myself running through the city with people sort of staring at me, pure covetousness, admiring my physice no doubt. I remember squatting down on the street to keep from being too much of a spectacle, while I determined what to do. People kept guaking at me for some unknown reason. I remember waiting outside a store until a child had left, then I went in to see if I could get some information and something to cover my embarrassment. I was given instruction but nothing to cover my barenakedness. So I continued jogging up main street, around the corner . . ., where I encountered more . . . staring creatures. . . . Here I was standing there without as much as a nectie for cover.

A . . . kid told me to look for a drycleaning shop where I might be given something as a handout. Remember, I had no pockets in my outfit in which to carry money to purchase anything suitable for a man of my stature. I found such a store and was given a dresslike garment and head[ed] back to where I came from. Then, to save me further embarrassment, the Lord allowed me to wake up.

I thought later, If I had only thought to find a barenaked church, I could [have] at least found understanding. . . .

Ain’t this disgusting? . . . Since I don’t have anything else to enrich your intellect, I shall stop for supper.

Happy dreams,

Tony

The following was included on a scrap of paper with that same letter.

ELEPHANT STEW

1 medium size elephant

1 rabbit (optional)

Salt

Pepper

Cut the elephant into small bite size pieces. This should take about 2 months. Add enough brown gravy to cover. Cook over a kerosene fire for about 4 weeks, at 465 degrees. This will serve 3800 people. If more are expected, 2 rabbits may be added, but do this only if necessary as most people do not like to find hare in their stew.

THE END

Tony outlived his brother, Paul, by four-and-a-half years, dying in January 1998. After noticing he hadn’t been out and about for a few days, someone in Painesville checked on him. They found him lying on his bed in his jogging outfit looking as though he were sleeping. Apparently he had come home from a workout, had lain down to rest, and never woke up again in this life.

There was one other interesting coincidence that joined my life to his. When I was very young, our family went to the Wayne County Fair in Wooster, Ohio. I remember passing a booth with signs out front that read, “Here Is a News Story You Will Never Get to Read.” I couldn’t resist that kind of a statement, so I stepped to the booth and looked into one of several little viewing boxes they had on display. When I looked in, the message inside said, “Your Own Obituary.”

I didn’t think that was inappropriate or gruesome—I thought it was a pretty good answer, actually! At that point a man stepped up to me and started talking about life, death, and eternity. By this time I was nervous because my family had kept moving while I stopped, and the fair was packed with people. I made an apology and said I had to leave to find my family.

Many years later Uncle Tony sent the following letter.

Aug. 4, 1923

Aug. 4, 1986 = 63 years

(A great day in history)

Dear other people (whom also have birthdays),

. . . August 19–24 starts the Lake Co. Fair in Painesville, then right after Labor Day is the six-day Wooster Fair. . . .

Love,

Tony

Turns out, Uncle Tony had been coming to the Wayne County Fair in Wooster for many, many years to work in a booth where they gave out the gospel. I have often wondered—that man who came up and spoke to me—was that Charles Thompson Jr., my future wife’s Uncle Tony? It might have been!

Copyright 2022, Steve Skaggs